13 April 2019 | Article de blogue

The consent

Consent is the fact of giving your agreement.

Sexual consent means voluntarily and freely agreeing to take part in a sexual activity. This means you must not only be in a condition to give your consent but you must not be under pressure to do so.

Is there consent?

For consent to be possible, four elements must be considered. In green, you’ll see the elements that are necessary for consent. If one of the red elements is present, the consent is not valid.

Respect

  • You feel comfortable.
  • You feel free to express yourself about the sexual activity or activities.
  • You feel you can change your mind without consequences to you or to the relationship.

VIOLENCE, THREATS, BULLYING OR BLACKMAIL

  • You feel uncomfortable.
  • You are afraid.
  • You are scared that if you refuse, it would have negative consequences on you or on the relationship.
  • You are afraid to disappoint someone or to lose them.
  • You had no choice but to do what was being asked of you.
  • You were physically or psychologically forced.
  • You were pressured.
  • Someone is exerting control over you.

EQUALITY BETWEEN PARTNERS

  • You and your partner have the same status.
  • You and your partner have the same power.
  • You are not being exploited by your partner.
  • You are not dependent on your partner.

AUTHORITY

  • You and your partner do not have the same status or the same power.
  • Your partner is in a position of trust or authority over you.
  • This may include a coach, a teacher, a babysitter, an employer, a manager, and so on.
  • You are being exploited.
  • You feel dependent on your partner.

AGES AND APPROPRIATE RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN PARTNERS

  • You don’t have a family relationship with your partner.
  • If you are 12 or 13: You can legally consent to a sexual activity IF the age difference between you and your partner is less than two years.
  • If you are 14 or 15: You can legally consent to a sexual activity IF the age difference between you and your partner is less than five years.
  • If you are 16 or older: You can legally consent to a sexual activity IF all the other elements of consent are present (in the green boxes).

AGES AND INAPPROPRIATE RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN PARTNERS

  • You have a family relationship with your partner.
  • If you are under 12: You cannot legally consent to sexual activity.
  • If you are 12 or 13: You cannot legally consent to sexual activity IF the age difference between you and your partner is two years or more.
  • If you are 14 or 15: You cannot legally consent to sexual activity IF the age difference between you and your partner is five years or more.
  • If you are 16 or older: You cannot legally consent to sexual activity IF one or more other elements of consent are absent (the red squares).

EXPRESSION OF CONSENT

  • You have given your enthusiastic verbal agreement for the sexual activity.
  • You are in full possession of your faculties.
  • You are not under the influence of alcohol or drugs and you are not asleep.

ABSENCE OR WITHDRAWAL OF CONSENT

  • You have not verbally expressed your agreement to engage in the sexual activity.
  • You have verbally expressed your disagreement about engaging in the sexual activity.
  • You changed your mind about one sexual activity in particular.
  • You want to stop the sexual activity.
  • You are not in full possession of your faculties in order to give informed consent, because you have taken drugs or alcohol.

Consent or sexual assault?

The four elements must be present (the green boxes) for sexual consent to be valid.

If you recognize yourself in one of the red elements, that means you may be a victim of sexual violence.

Click here for aid resources

Don’t forget…

You are the person in the best position to know if you really want to engage in a sexual activity with someone. You need to listen to yourself, and your partner needs to listen to you.

 

Remember…

…You are allowed:

  • to agree to or refuse a sexual activity.
  • to choose each of the behaviours that are part of a sexual relationship; kissing or agreeing to be touched is not a free pass for other intimate or sexual contact.
  • to change your mind partway through and stop the sexual contact at any time.

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